Do You Know Who I Am?

“Do you know who I am?” is a question that some of us have heard as someone is attempting to throw their weight around to have the rest of us to know how important they are. It is a rhetorical question not meant for us to know the person’s name, but the intention is different from the question asked. In ethics and the law intentionality plays a large role in determining whether an action is viewed as good or bad.

I saw an anecdote recently where an airline agent was checking in a passenger who was being rude and demanding. The agent wasn’t moving fast enough for him. He shouted at her, “Do you know who I am?” She picked up the mike and declared over the public address system, “Can someone come to the second desk. I have someone here who doesn’t know who he is.”

The customer’s intent was to demonstrate how powerful he was. The airline agent’s intent was to put him in his place. Two different people in a charged event with two very different intentions.

In just a few words, intentionality, can sometimes be expressed as “what is your hidden agenda?”

There is that old piece of wisdom that spells out the ethical perils of intentionality that we have heard at some point in our lives that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” The road to hell is also paved with bad intentions as well. We have been witnessing attacks on Trump’s revenge tour targeting various people such as Comey, James, and Bolton (this one is a little more complicated). Trump’s intent is not to see justice done. It seems to be pure vengeance. We hear Trump say that his intentions are good and he distances himself from each situation by responding to questions by the press that he doesn’t follow these cases when we know the opposite is true. Bondi has become his personal lawyer and hit woman who has politicized her office. Her intent is dishonorable as well. When she attended the Oversight Committee session, she refused to answer most questions and attacked Adam Schiff. A photographer snapped a page of her notebook, and there were attack statements she could make to several Democrats on the Committee including Schiff. That was her hidden agenda.

When we look at the current government shutdown the whole situation is argued based on what is the intention of the Democrats and Republicans. They spend most of their time questioning the intentions of each respective party. They forget that the American people have the intention that we expect them to do at least two basic things. Keep us safe and run the government. They have forgotten why they have been elected to do at least those two things.

Intentionality plays a huge role in Trump’s and other peoples’ attempt to control universities. First, the issue was support for antisemitism which is an important issue but was that the real intent on the part of the Republicans and Trump? Likewise, Marc Rowan, billionaire graduate of Penn Wharton, who joined the conflict with guns blazing who ultimately threw his financial weight around, but was antisemitism his only concern? We have learned that Rowan had a role in creating the statement in the recent offer by the Trump Administration. Their goal was to control so much of eight universities curriculum, etc. It is interesting that the same language that Trump used was used by Rowan. Clearly both Trump and Rowan had more intentions for change than antisemitism. Instead of “Do you know who I am?” was just the start of claiming their power.

It is hard to confront people who have different intentions than what they are claiming. If you confront Trump or Rowan that they seemed to have different intentions from what they started out with, you can be assured of a response of self-righteous anger which masks such comments as the airline agent probably got. It is appropriate to indicate “give them an inch and they will take a mile”.

We see this clearly in counseling as well. It is one of the reasons that you don’t lay out everything that the client needs to do to solve the problem. Enduring change comes when the person sees for him or herself the way to positive change or what they are doing that is hurting themselves and others. Self-generated insight governs the healing process.

But there is more in counseling that helps us get to know what the client truly intends to say or do. They are called covert and overt rules. This plays a big role in family therapy. Each family member has overt rules of behavior or what can be said or done. This is a safe place for intentionality to roam around because everyone accepts these rules such as “you can’t say that about your sister.” (Overt Rule) But there are other rules that are covert or hidden such as attitudes that you have, values that you have or things that cannot be said or done. When they surface, that is often where conflict occurs. “You also have said to “speak our minds.” (Covert Rule). Sometimes a therapist will only see the overt rules and not see the covert rules which is where the psychological action is.

Intentionality is the key concept in legal ethics. First degree murder is charged when the act is premeditated and intentional. Second degree murder is charged when the act is intentional but not premeditated. Manslaughter is without malice or intent to kill.

 Notice when Hegseth or Bondi speak, they quickly indicate that Trump is the authority. “It doesn’t match Trump’s vision.” Knowing that this response is coming in predictable ways regarding all his actions as justifications, a proper response would be to get on our metaphorical public address system, and say, “Who out there knows what Trump’s and Rowan’s vision is beyond to control everything that is around them in education? Antisemitism was just to get their foot in the door.

Recall that exchange with the airline agent and her encounter with someone who wanted her to know how powerful he is.

Authoritarianism requires us to ask, depending on the situation, to reduce the perceived authority of that style with “I got someone here who doesn’t know who he is?” or “exactly what is your intention for this shutdown, Democratic or Republican leadership? What do you really want?”