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  • Reverend James Squire

Gratitude is the Key

Updated: Feb 8, 2021


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Photo by Pro Church Media


We are living in uncertain times as we fight against the Coronavirus. Much has been written about it including the recommended size of groups and distance to keep from one another. We are asked to stay at home. We need to also think about how we support one another and a key ingredient to make our way forward. That ingredient is gratitude even in these worst of times. It is also important to know how we should talk with one another in a way that helps others.

I have three sources that may help you with the gratitude and helping another piece. My website (1) (www.revsquirecounseling.com) gives help in making it possible to live through these times and how to help one another in conversation. (2) I spoke at the Burial Service for Joanne Bagnell about gratitude on March 7, 2020 at the Episcopal Academy. She is the mother of Bill Bagnell, ’82, an alumnus (3) Below there is also an article written by someone in financial services that Bill sent to me last evening. I have Bill’s permission to include my address and the article.

Thank you Joanne

Thank you is said to be the greatest prayer that we can say…to one another…to God…and to his son our Lord, Jesus Christ. It is the basic statement of gratitude. Bill, her son, wanted to make this service today a celebration of Joanne and a big thank you to what she meant to him and to so many others.

Gratitude is the basis for everything that is good as well as everything that is holy in Ethics, Psychology, and Theology. That is the starting point for the good life that she led, the good moral life.

I have talked with Bill about his mother over the years and he shared with me notes that he received recently after her death. The notes, sometimes with different words, described her as someone who lived EA’s stripes, our values. Self control, faith, honesty, kindness generosity, gratitude, courage, and sportsmanship particularly on the golf course.. She was also tough and patriotic.

Thank you Joanne.

One person referred to her in a note as being elegant, and I want to stop here and look at that characteristic a bit more closely. She had such a presence experienced most vividly felt when she would be talking about Bill or her beloved, Reds.

Bill was a “bit edgy”; they are her words not mine. When Joanne and I would talk about that aspect of him or other things that he was doing or not doing, I felt that I was with someone with the presence of a very famous person such as a movie star, a politician, her personal friend Barbara Bush or perhaps royalty, someone who was important in the public domain. She didn’t try to be this way. That is who she was. It came by her naturally. She could be no other.

I chose the beatitudes as a reading for the Gospel today because of that verse, “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherent the earth.” (Matthew 5:5) It is not what you think. Meekness does not mean weakness. When I was on the staff of St. James Parish, Montego Bay in Jamaica, some years ago during the summer, the people would describe Queen Elizabeth with the proclamation, “She meek”, meaning they were quick to say she is royalty. Think of Joanne and immediately you can feel her elegant, if not royal, presence.

Thank you, Joanne

Joanne lost the love of her life, Reds Bagnell, too young. She never married again. Reds set a high standard. I was out of the country when I learned of Joanne’s death. I told Bill that the first thing I did was to go to my computer and look up Reds Bagnell, running back par excellence from Penn, one of the best in the nation. I watched a video of him running 74 yards down the field weaving in and out of the opposition and scoring a touchdown against Navy.

When I finished watching, I thought to myself what a strange thing to do. What was the source of that action? My thoughts and prayers should just be about Joanne. I did it because Joanne and Reds were inextricably linked. I don’t think that she was aware of how much she referenced him in our conversations.

In a letter to Bill on his 35th birthday Joanne indicated, “I know that I speak for myself and your Dad.” She went on to say: “A more loyal, loving, caring, decent son I could not have wished to have. Since I have been alone your attention and energies have doubled. That’s been a very big factor in my survival without my sweetheart. Happy birthday, son! I see so much of Reds in you. (always her reference point) I love you very much.”

Mom.

Meekness in its original meaning meant, among other things, to “accept the hand that you are dealt”, not to like it but to accept it.

We see that meekness and gratitude again in her own words in a letter to Bill, perhaps the biggest take away that she gives us as a gift today of her life. Her words: “With every great love or pleasure comes pain with the loss of it, but it’s worth it”, gratitude for what she had, and meekness, accepting the hand she was dealt.

That’s something this elegant lady had in her soul each and every day of her life.

Meek…gratitude

Thank you, Joanne Bagnell

Thank you Francis Reds Bagnell

Together forever. Together forever

In internal life with our Lord. Amen

How Gratitude Can Help Us In Crisis

We are living in a world today where we are waking up every day to new levels of uncertainty with the spread of the coronavirus. We are waking up to how interconnected and interdependent we really are. Fear sets in for many of us. At the same time, leaders around the world are leaning into change, learning how to quickly adapt to disruption and ambiguity. In this context, I sat down with Chester Elton, co-author of the book Leading with Gratitude to talk about how gratitude and appreciation can help grow well-being, productivity and resilience.

Elton is a best-selling author of multiple books (with his co-author Adrian Gostick) and one of today’s most influential voices in workplace trends. Their data (based on almost one million engagement surveys) shows that the difference between a good leader and an extraordinary leader is soft skills, not functional skills. One of the most important differentiators they found was appreciation. In our discussion, Elton spoke about the transformative experience of interviewing extraordinary leaders like former Ford CEO Alan Mulally and Gary Ridge (CEO of WD-40) who lead through gratitude and inspiration. All these leaders express gratitude for the challenging times – for the opportunity to develop new perspective and grow through the challenges.

In these extraordinary times, we need extraordinary leaders. Elton’s book shows us how to grow our capacity to lead with gratitude.

Here is an excerpt from our interview.

Henna Inam: Why is leading with gratitude particularly important in today’s disruptive times?

Chester Elton: When there is so much disruption it is easy to focus constantly on the negative. Agreed things need to get done. The issue can be that with the focus always on the negative you wear people out. There is a need to continue to focus on a lot of good things going on as well, to give your people hope and encouragement. Nothing does that better than simple acts of gratitude.

Inam: Gratitude is a great value. Does it have bottom line impact?

Elton: No question! One of the myths we debunk is that fear is the best motivator. Here are the numbers:

37% of people say they work harder if they fear losing their job.

38% say they work harder when the boss is demanding.

But…81% of working adults say they work harder when the boss shows appreciation for their work.

Inam: What gets in the way of expressing gratitude despite all the positive results associated with it?

Elton: In our book we debunk many myths around why leaders don’t lead with gratitude: No time. It’s all about compensation. People just need too much praise these days. These are all poor excuses.

I don’t have time is the weakest excuse. The fact is that the best leaders we studied took only about 2% of their work week (or about an hour of their time) to express gratitude.

Inam: Why are we stingy with gratitude?

Elton: Many leaders believe that if they show too much gratitude they are going to be perceived as weak. They assume that people will take advantage of them, or want a raise. I think Ken Chenault the recently retired CEO of AmEx said it best: “This view of ‘I want to be very stingy with gratitude’ gets confused to mean I’m not being demanding . It’s the opposite. You can be demanding and bestow gratitude very often and be authentic .”

You can hold people accountable and still express sincere gratitude.

Inam: What is your advice about making gratitude a habit?

Elton: A wonderful way to make gratitude a habit is to create “triggers” as reminders. One leader we know puts 10 pennies in his left pocket every day and sets a goal to have ten positive interactions with his people every day, keeping track by moving one coin from his left pocket to his right pocket as he goes.

Others write handwritten notes on a regular basis.

We have leaders that will start every team meeting asking for at least 5 good things that are going on with the team and ending the gathering asking if someone wants to thank another member of the team for their help.

There are two key words in making gratitude a habit. You need to be “Intentional” and “Disciplined.”

Inam: How do we create cultures where gratitude is a way of doing business? Does it have to start at the top?

Elton: The leader sets the tone. The way she leads gives everyone else permission to do the same.

When you get everyone expressing gratitude on a regular basis, not just the leaders, that’s when you have a culture of gratitude.

Inam: What’s the connection between gratitude and other positive emotions? Does gratitude have an impact on well-being and resilience, particularly in stressful times?

Elton: Great question, and the answer is yes! Studies have been done on gratitude journals and the positive impact is remarkable. Here is a link (below) for the data from wonderful universities that prove the point.

Inam: We are increasingly in an interconnected world which requires collaboration. Are there any studies that show the correlation between gratitude and collaboration?

Elton: I don’t know of any specific research. I do know that when you have teams that have a culture of gratitude you have much more psychological safety. Google pointed that as the number one factor on their most innovative teams. Any Edmonson of Harvard said this of psychological safety: “A climate in which the focus can be on productive discussion that enables early prevention of problems & the accomplishment of shared goals because people are less focused on self-protection.” A culture of gratitude is the best way I know of to increase that safety and spur collaboration.

Chester Elton ended with story about his father from whom he learned, “Be good to everyone. You don’t know who is having a tough day.”

I was inspired from my conversation with Elton and I hope you too will find your own practice to express gratitude for the extraordinary people in your life during these extraordinary times.

This article was written by Henna Inam from Forbes and was legally licensed by AdvisorStream through the NewsCred publisher network.


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