"I May Do It: I May Not Do It"

Recently I received a message from one of the people who reads my blog pointing out that Trump seems to always come up with messaging where he indicates that “in two weeks I will do…” I really didn’t see that before. It allows Trump to control the conversation and not take responsibility for what he does when. We often forget about his promise. Recently he suggested that farmers and people in the hotel business have had a difficult time without immigrants to be available to them to do the work that they need done. I read today that he never followed up except by making that statement. How would someone manage that? His recent head of immigration said yesterday that nothing has happened with that proclamation. Everyone who is illegal in every place would be located and deported. He has left the farmers and hotels in a lurch.

The title of this blog points to one of the ways that Trump uses a double bind approach to messaging. Keep in mind that he first said that he would let people know in two weeks. Before his attack on Iran he said, “I may do it! I may not! Nobody knows what I am going to do.”

My reader’s comment about timing and irresponsibility of Trump reminded me of something that I should have seen sooner because I have had to deal with a great deal of it when I am counseling others. It’s called “the double bind” that creates anxiety and depression. The anthropologist who discovered this was Gregory Bateson. His research also indicated that the double bind could cause schizophrenia as well as gaslighting other people doubting their sanity. Double bind messaging can be overt, or it can be subtle. It is always present when a person tells me “No matter what I do, I am wrong.” Or I “I always leave my exchanges with my husband confused about what he wants. He

seems to want two things at once. He or she is driving me crazy!”

Double bind messaging can create a world of chaos around them because that is an approach that allow communication without responsibility for one’s actions. It is also a rather insidious form of communication to give the messenger control.

Since it can be subtle, I have attached a short video at the end of this blog to demonstrate the “double bind” in action.

You can see that this style of messaging by Trump can be seen in his approach to tariffs as well. When Trump announced his tariff strategy, he indicated that we would be seeing more money coming in “like we have never seen before.” He also stated that the “companies who are sending the products to us will pay the tax and not us.” That is the bill of goods that he was promoting.

When pushback came from other countries, he quickly came up with delays and some crazy talk. Businesses couldn’t plan because he wasn’t making sense. Chaos which is the result of the double bind messaging had everyone mystified which is just the environment that is a go to place to get in control of the situation. (Trump is right. Our tariff relationship with other countries is very much out of balance, but you don’t just announce it even to islands where there is no population. His style was to act as a bully imposing unrealistic deadlines and threats.)

Recall how in his last administration he told Americans that “He would build a wall separating USA from Mexico and Mexico would pay for it.” Never happened. My own opinion is that men and women use this double bind style, often are bullies with insecurity and low self- esteem. That is what research shows. Trump chooses to idolize what he perceives as strong men or women because of his own weakness. He put workers on his buildings in double bind situations as well. You can take half of what we agreed to or I will tie you up for years in court. Both solutions put the contractor in a no win situation.

The only way to treat this condition is to point out the reason for why people use double binding message and to go deeper to see how this is a result of unhelpful insecurity and low self-esteem. This has worked for people that I have counseled so that is the good news. But here is the catch. People coming for help are open for change. Think about how Trump would react to the above. He is too fixed in his ways, so he hurts himself and those around him.  He has a trail of failures that have resulted from this approach.

Double Bind Interactions