Musk vs Trump

The biggest story in the news is the breakup of the power couple, Donald Trump and Elon Musk, a marriage that some say was a marriage made in heaven turned into a marriage made in hell.  The breakup occurred because each failed to meet the other person’s expectations. Their relationship was transactional in nature. The phrase that describes their connection is one where “strings were attached.” Theirs was the opposite of a covenant relationship which is described as “strings not attached.”

The Jewish theologian, Martin Buber, described the difference by identifying transactional relationships as I-It relationships. In a transactional relationship each person becomes an object such as a sex object. Buber said that I-Thou relationships treat the other person as summarized by the biblical commandment, “Treat others the way that you would want to be treated”, the golden rule, which occurs in many different religious cultures.  I-It relationships were the first stage of moral development to promote survival. But the I-Thou or covenant relationships allowed society to flourish beyond just surviving. 

Musk wanted power from Trump and Trump wanted money from Musk. “Show me the money” was at the unethical heart of their relationship. Musk is the richest man in the world and Trump is the most powerful man in the world. The ingredients were all present for that first moral mandate on the evolutionary moral ladder. But they never advanced to the higher form of an I-Thou relationship. I-thou relationships elevate humankinds’ decision making. I-It focuses on goods and services and I-Thou introduces the moral dimension of promises to each other that transcend the more transactional contractual form.

Harry Stack Sullivan said it best that what makes relationships advanced and moral is “where one person is willing to put the other person’s wants and needs before another in a relationship.” This was a major realization that moved us up the moral evolutionary ladder.

So, with all the above in mind, what happened to Musk and Trump will help us realize the importance of the moral inclusion wherein we don’t just survive but flourish. We can learn how to do the right thing by watching what happens when the wrong way, a primitive part of our evolution, takes hold. We have been struck by the number of people who say that those two are acting like children. It gives children a bad name for as children move through their formative stages, they become more centered in covenants (I-Thou) relationships. I have seen deep friendships more prevalent in the young at times than in adults. The philosopher, John Locke, wrote that contracts must be sacred adding the moral dimension. He was a major influence on the founding fathers’ writing of our Constitution.

People have been speculating that this terrible breach is about money and power. They both used each other. They didn’t have enough of what makes up advanced relationship building. Musk didn’t like the big, beautiful bill because it would undo his work of DOGE, and his businesses are failing because of his DOGE group’s unethical firing practices and his association with Trump. Trump is angry because Musk was not loyal to him after all.

The bottom line is that trust was broken. Threats have been very personal with Musk accusing Trump of financial stupidity and the possibility that he was on Epstein’s list of sexual predators.

Marriages as covenants are an example of I-Thou relationships. You know the lines. “Will you honor one another in sickness an in health until death do you part?” Musk and Trump’s professional lives are reflected in their personal lives. Musk has serial wives and fourteen kids by different wives. Trump has serial wives and different children from different wives. You don’t need a pre-nup if your marriage is based on a covenant. They wouldn’t have pre-nups if their marriages were formed as an example of I-Thou relationships.

Use what has occurred in the Trump and Musk I-It relationship to see what will transform your relationships into promises kept as a covenant where you will flourish. I have blessed many marriages. Some of those have not darkened a church in years. But when they articulate why they want to be married in a religious ceremony, they talk in the language of desiring a covenant based in the spirit of the living God. I require them to make a commitment to start going to a church, synagogue, or other worship experience so that their faith and spirituality can be developed to a level of flourishing.

If they don’t commit to that, I do not go ahead with blessing the marriage. I know what you are thinking. What if they are lying and just saying they will pursue that requirement so that I will marry them? I have spent a lifetime of helping people on their spiritual journeys. It is worth the risk.

One of my favorite country music songs is Johnny Cash’s song, “When I’m Gray?” It speaks of covenant relationships, no strings attached, I-Thou, and you before me.

When I Am Gray