I read Sharon Stone’s memoir, The Beauty of Living Twice. I read it for different reasons than most. She is most famous for her role in “Basic Instinct” and the scene where she crossed her legs in an interview with a detective, Michael Douglas, for the world to see her most private parts.
The book is one of the most compelling books that I have read. She tried desperately to not have that scene define her. She had legal counsel to attempt to remove it, but lost that to the Hollywood studio that produced it. She was tricked by a cinematographer into doing it. She was asked to remove her underwear because of “bad lighting.” Most people don’t know that she has been honored with the Nobel Peace Summit Award, a Harvard Foundation Humanitarian Award, a Human Rights Campaign Humanitarian Award, and the Einstein Spirit of Achievement Award, and many more.
The book introduces the reader to the pre “#me too” movement in Hollywood. She is a sexual abuse survivor. She chronicles her multi years fight back after a blood bleed into her brain. It is loaded with wisdom and one-liners that I will remember long after I read it.
I didn’t read it for those above accolades or her struggle to get her life back either. I read it because she helped my son who is in the business of Hollywood. She would on occasion help him with getting the lines right before an audition. She is a gifted actress. But I also learned something about myself that you would think would be more a part of my awareness.
I always thought that the Board of Trustees, Faculty, and Management Team of which I was one was important. But for me the students came first in all ways in all things. I probably will never meet Sharon Stone, but she now has a friend for life in me. I think parents of students feel the same way about their children’s teachers or coaches. Anyone who helps a kid engenders deep loyalty in a parent. It is certainly true for me and Sharon Stone.
I think this is the bedrock of human nature because it leads to gratitude which is central to the moral life. It is also contagious. It seems that I was the last to discover this truth about human relationships. Yes, I was criticized for this view of students as I would always say, “You don’t teach a subject, you teach a student.”
I don’t think that enough parents realize this aspect of who we are because I am not talking about making life easy for a student. In a sense I am saying the opposite. Make the student aware of the hard right and not the easy wrong. But stand with the student through it. I had a student who was very ill and went to summer school to take a course that the student needed to graduate. This person’s illness prevented a return to summer school when she was halfway through a course. I went to meet with the teacher and asked for some leniency, something that this teacher wasn’t known for. The teacher stopped me in the middle of me making my case. The teacher said, “___
now has an A in the course. That will be her final grade.” He smiled and said, “Thanks for asking?”
That teacher saw a student first and a subject important but a secondary consideration.
That was true of every person in the school whether it was an administrator, plant operations or cafeteria person, teacher, or coach who saw part of their role as taking care of students to do the hard right and not the easy wrong. That is why alumni remember the teacher and not the subject that they taught.
Simon Sinek is a consultant to many companies and has a Ted talk on leadership. He asks CEO(s) their most important job. They say, “The customer comes first.” Sinek says, “No! Your job is to help the people who are the “front line worker” interfacing with the customer. How many CEO(s) have direct contact with customers or patients in a hospital?”
Bezos has proclaimed for years that his mantra is, “The customer comes first.” But we know that he does not see his employees in the same light. Many felt used and abused by him. He has a successful company that has been built on the backs of working-class people but he has hired the right people to interface via phone with a customer.
It was just announced that Coach K at Duke will retire at the end of this basketball season. If asked to what he contributes his success, I can’t imagine him saying, “Me of course.” He would say, “My players.” Coach K is far from perfect, but he will have a friend for life in the parents of most of his players.
I went back and watched Basic Instinct after reading Sharon Stone’s memoir. I had completely forgotten the story line. It is rather amazing to watch the movie after knowing what she was dealing with during the filming and all the good she has done across the world including the small way that she helped my son. Now I know how all parents feel about those who stand so tall when they stoop to help another up.
Sharon Stone writes in her memoir the following: “What is a critic? Someone who sees movies for free and then tells you what they think. What is an audience? Someone who tells you how the movie makes them feel.”.
I know how I felt after seeing her practice her craft. There is not a greater gift than giving the gift of gratitude to another who has helped us or someone we love through the vicissitudes of life. Marty Seligman, the Founder of the Penn Center for Positive Psychology, gives his students what he describes as the most powerful assignment in the course. They must write a gratitude letter to the person that they are most grateful for in helping them in life. When possible, they hand deliver it. It is a profound experience for the giver and the receiver. I know what I would write to Sharon Stone. Who would be your choice? What would you write?
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