I try never to use what I have learned about doing counseling in my everyday conversations. My concern would be that someone would say, “Don’t use that psychology stuff on me!” However, when I am very frustrated with something such as when I am in a standstill in helping someone move forward in counseling or I am completely mystified with how to help them, I will revert to that question that causes the other person to reveal what is going on within them. The phrase that can take you to the heart of a person’s thought or if they are sincere in their communication is, “So what am I thinking?” It is an Xray into their psyche and soul for they don’t have time to think of the right answer or what I hope to know about what really is going on within them.
When they answer that question, they very seldom respond with what I am thinking which is usually a form of frustration or what I need to know to help them reach their goal toward wholeness. It is a question that can move things forward.
Recently I slipped into my bag of getting to the heart of the matter by asking that question of a large heating and cooling service company. My wife and I are retired, but we have busy schedules to coordinate. Retirement’s gift has given me more control of my time than I had when working in a large community as Chaplain at EA. In order to achieve this, schedules become important.
The heating and cooling company required me to schedule a month and a half before a routine inspection of the systems. I could live with that. Schedules were made around the three hours window of time on a particular date. The night before that day, I received a call from the company asking me to move the day to a few weeks later as they had a job that required more time than they thought. I asked him if moving the date to the next day would help them. He responded by saying, “Yes, but we would need a seven hours window of time on that day.”
I asked if they could work with me a bit to come up with a viable alternative for them and for me, and reminded him of how far out I had to schedule this appointment and that they were a large company with a good many variables in their workforce. He indicated that they just couldn’t do better than seven hours the next day.
So, I asked him what do you think I am thinking right now. He thought that I was thinking about how I could find a time to change my plans. My answer, however, was, “No, I am thinking that I don’t want to have anything to do with a company that treats a customer like he was treating me.” Talk about a conversation changing as I knew then this wasn’t about the emergency that he was citing, but more about something else. He quickly indicated that we should go back to the original date and time, and he would work things out. It would be no problem. I reflected to him that he had just told me that nothing could be done. “Oh, we can work around you!” So much for the emergency.
There is another lesson here that is true in counseling and in life. I learned in working class culture that if you are going to act like a nail, there will always be someone who will act like a hammer. To empower others, don’t act like either.
Comments