Recently I was part of a very important experience where the large crowd of some 600 or so were either from The Episcopal Academy or some other place. As I made my way through the crowd of people who weren’t from the school, they were asking what they should call me even though my name was in the program. There are many different titles that can come in front of a clergy person’s name such as Father, the Reverend, Pastor, Rabbi, etc. When I was greeted by the Episcopal Academy contingent they simply said, Rev, a shortened one word.
“What shall I call you?” It occurred so many times that people just wanted to make sure that they got it right out of respect” for me. So, what’s in a name?
I have written several blogs on the importance of names and name changes in biblical times for a change of name meant a change in vocation or what you were doing. Abram became Abraham when he became a patriarch of the Jewish people. Likewise, his wife’s name changed to Sarah after being called Sarai for the longest time. Saul in the New Testament has his name changed to Paul when he becomes an ambassador for the spread of Christianity.
What I have been reflecting on is that some people are comfortable with being called one thing and others not. We see this in nicknames which are derived from the old English ekename starting back in 1303. Some like nicknames. Some don’t! I had a student whose nickname was chickenhead. It stayed with him through adulthood. He was good with it.
But I learned something from working with adolescents for many years as a clergyman. They don’t care about titles. They only respond to your care of them and that you can get the job done. Kids prefer one-word nicknames like Butch or Mac.
Do you know who Gordon Thomas is? That’s Sting. He got the name because he wore a lot of yellow and black, the colors of a bee so a band leader named him Sting. Do you know who Paul David Hewson is? Bono. He was given the name when he was 14. He hated it at first until he discovered that it meant “good voice.”
My father’s nickname was Sparky. I felt it was demeaning until I learned that it described someone who was quick and energetic. That certainly was an apt description of him before his life altering stroke.
I don’t know when it started or who started it, but in student culture I became Rev or if describing me or what I had done it was the Rev did this or that. Their parents for the most part used the expansive title of the Reverend___ or Father____ or Pastor_______., etc.
But Rev stuck!
I was very comfortable with the title. When you wear a clerical collar, you immediately indicate issues of religious identity. I like that statement, “Preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary.” I found it to be the perfect title in a school with religious pluralism. It provided a safe name for students to talk with me which was very important to me. They were comfortable with it and thought it was cool because of other one named people like Bono or Sting. That is the way kids process things. It was always used as a name of respect at least when addressing me or talking about me, but it became confusing for some adults.
Two occasions come to mind. I was asked to speak at a Quaker School on the emotional life of adolescents. When I arrived, I was told that I would speak at their weekly gathering for meeting where you allow the spirit to touch your inner light before speaking. Your words come out of silence so I was a bit reluctant to do it then and there. I didn’t get far into my remarks when a faculty member stood up and declared that he was offended by my presence and words. Quakers are both liberal and conservative or orthodox in their perspectives. Another faculty member stood up and challenged the person who was offended. The students were in shock and just watched perhaps enjoying the adults going at it. Finally, a member of the faculty whose brother attended EA shouted, “You can’t talk to the Rev like that. He has helped my brother a lot. He is our guest.” To which some responded, “What’s this Rev. stuff?”
I knew that this was a lose/lose deal, so I finished some concluding remarks and left as though nothing had happened. The person who invited me met with me afterwards and was in shock! He was a Quaker by religious orientation, but he learned some lessons that day and so did I. Have speakers at an assembly not at a Quaker meeting for worship but the meeting area was the largest place for a guest speaker to speak.
I can remember a call as though it was yesterday. It was a Sunday night at dinner time when I received a call from a parent who was angry that I stood up for a faculty member who I thought was not being treated fairly. She was a 10 on the Richter scale. I couldn’t get a word in. She was rude and profane and hung up the phone on me. Shortly after the phone rang again, and it was the angry parent. She asked, “Do I have the Rev on the phone?” I said that she did. She apologized and continued, “I didn’t know that my son was listening to the phone call that I made to you. He said that he wouldn’t speak to me again until I apologized because I should never speak to the Rev in that way ever again.”
But sometimes you must employ situation ethics with your clergy title meaning make an adjustment that may be needed given the situation. I pulled into the airport at the evening rush hour during that time when police were patrolling the roadways in front of the terminals requiring parkers to move on and not park to pick up someone. I parked for a moment and a big beefy patrolman came up to my driver side window and declared, “Father, you can park here and stay as long as you need. Have a blessed day!” I didn’t say, “Call me Rev!”
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