Turn The Other Cheek

Recall Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:39 “to turn the other cheek if someone slaps you.” This command is based on the lex talionis statement which fundamentality was a law that was established when Jews were wandering in the Sinai Desert. It was a lawless country so laws of proper behavior for justice to occur had to be spelled out. It stated that the Israelites should be governed by ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” which Jesus quotes. In essence, this law came into existence because often the punishment did not fit the crime  during the Sinai experience. “Turn the other cheek” avoids both extreme of violence or retaliation and passively permitting others to do whatever they wanted to do to us.

This conjures up the image of a bully who attacks others verbally with ad hominem (against the person) words. Obviously, they can be a physical threat as well. I have indicated that research shows that bullies lack self-esteem and a sense of belonging. I would like to address the research of how you should respond to a bully. The biggest bully on the political street is President Trump.

Michelle Obama wasn’t taking the right approach when she said, “When they go low, we go high.” She found out that does not work with a bully.

Chris Armitage, an Air Force veteran and Homeland Security Expert, wrote a piece about the psychology of what Gavin Newsom is doing in combatting Trump. It can lead to justice! I would submit that the new research on combatting a bully is true from my own experience. Research on bullying reveals an uncomfortable truth. Studies of children found that returning hostility with hostility appeared to be more mature and socially competent by their teachers. When girls fight back, they were judged more popular and admired by teachers and peers. The kids who fought back didn’t just stop getting bullied, they thrived socially and emotionally. If you speak confidently, you thrive! Trump has a high confidence level even in his lies. That’s why people voted for him and are now shocked that he was all talk and no action. “I’ll stop that war in Ukraine in 24 hours. Then I will take care of things in Gaza.”

The Democratic Party believes everything is rational. It is not. People see what they already believe. “When Democrats respond to Trump’s attacks with policy papers, they are bringing a calculator to a knife fight.”

Newsom’s aggressive feedback is working because he knows bullies depend on emotion rather than reason. When Trump attacks him, Newsom doesn’t issue a multi-page white page on the subject at hand. He calls Trump a “weak little man.” Newson’s response seems more authentic and real. Trump doesn’t know what to do because he is using Trump’s playbook that Trump made effective against others. The Republicans are afraid Trump. The Democratic Party’s members are constantly asking their politicians to “stand up to” Trump. “Be a fighter.”

What I was taught to do in counseling is something called “mirroring.” I was taught that there are moments when you must disrupt what is going on when all solutions are cast aside by the client. It’s time to do mirroring with a phrase such as, “You know our conversation seems that “you yes but every possible way forward.”

But what Newsom is doing is using the same tactics as Trump but from the high ground, but he doesn’t use Trump’s style of demeaning or belittling people who are powerless. Newsom is seen as taking the higher ground by speaking truth to power and Trump’s dictator like stands. Trump doesn’t know how to handle him.

But context matters when dealing with a bully. We cheer Rocky for the same reason that “we rejoice in David vs. Goliath. However, Goliath vs. David gets booed.” To take on a bully, you must be seen as the good guy, a David, like Newsom, and not the one in power, Goliath or Trump. That’s why the first words out of a student’s mouth when someone would break up a fight are, “I didn’t start it!”

There was a bully in the high school I attended who had great satisfaction in making others miserable. During a gym class the bully and I were paired up by our physed teacher, Mr. Donofrio, for a no holds barred wresting match. The place was silent! I took him down several times. I was the winner! The class cheered. Like Goliath and Trump, my opponent did not have the higher moral ground. Did it stop this bully. For a short period of time justice was served, but he later took up his bullying ways again. I wish that I could write that this classmate changed his ways. Like Trump, it was the only way that he knew how to relate to others. Not all anecdotes have Rocky like endings.

It reminds me that the words of Dr. Martin Luther King are so true: “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” Change can take a long time, but it does happen. It is our vocation to make justice come sooner rather than later no matter what the power of the bully at hand seems to have.