Minor and Small: Keys to Leadership

There are two sentences that describe Trump’s lack of leadership. Recall that leadership on political things point to the importance of issues in enabling or disabling relationships. The Republicans are fearing a blue wave at the midterms because of Trump’s actions. R. D. Laing wrote a book, The Politics of Experience, to highlight this fact. The same important issues that we have at an international and national level can be seen as crucial in ordinary day to day relationships.

I cover this important ingredient in working with relationships in the three books that I have written. Two sentences that are important to remember are: “Don’t major in minor things. Don’t minor in major things.”  This has been the struggle of people in relationships that ultimately bring them to me. I am sometimes a person’s last help when they feel that their difficulty in relationships is overwhelming them.

Sometimes therapists overlook the small things in relationships that are the big things. They major in minor things and minor in major things. Trump focuses on the minor things such as his vanity projects, the color of the water in the pool in D.C., and his revenge on his enemies. He avoids the major things like the economy, how tariffs are wrecking the world economy, cutting funds to help the needy nationally and internationally, and a war that seems to be a forever war.

The small things, however, can be the big things as the small things can be what truly makes a difference in our relationships as well as how the small can be the mighty in history as well as in our daily life.

The Gospel of Luke puts it this way: “Whoever can be trusted with very little, can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little with also be dishonest with very much.” (Luke 16:10)

Sometimes couples and individuals will be like ships in the night passing each other with major and minor things. For example, let’s say that honesty is very important to me while my spouse exaggerates things which means that she doesn’t see how telling the truth is important to me. It could be that I don’t think that eating out once a week is important to her but has no importance to me. It is the small things that seem like minor things that are important to her. There is no conversation that leads to resolution. Couple dig in and can’t find the way to put the other first.

Trump has lied thousands of times in his first and second administration. Why are we surprised that he cheats in playing golf. He recently won his 45^th club championship because he cheats. Everyone sees it but doesn’t call him out. If it wasn’t so tragic it would be funny. There is a book, Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump by Rick Reilly. Why is it surprising if he cheats in golf that he would cheat as President, becoming a billionaire by manipulating money to come his way. The Republicans do the same thing that a dysfunctional couple do; they avoid discussing the real issues at hand.

I often describe people I know as small but mighty. I am 6’1” tall so it is easy to say this line that I believe in.  I had my eyes opened when I read Sharon McMahon’s book, The Small and the Mighty. St. Luke states, “the kingdom of God is like a small seed that grows in a garden and becomes a tree that birds can rest on its branches. (Luke 13:18-19)

We tend to pay attention to major people who do big things such as Lincoln and Kennedy, and it is right to do that. But McMahon demonstrated that people who are minors in history have achieved major things in our history. She challenges everything that we knew about America and who makes it great. The book is about a new cast of improbable champions who will challenge everything I thought I knew about America and who makes it great.

“It is a book about what it takes to change the course of history – and the answers will surprise you. McMahon’s characters will become familiar friends, lighting the path we journey in the quest to make the world more just, peaceful, good, and free.”

So, don’t major in minor things. Don’t minor in major things. Recall that the small deeds of others can turn people into a large tree of true greatness.