The Woman In Her Pajamas

When Chaplain at EA, I would get to my office at 7 to check over email and conflicts that were included. There are times when I met with parents at 7:30. During one of these mornings as I went to unlock my office, I heard a voice calling me from the conference room across the hall. It was a parent in her Pajamas. She had her two children who were EA students in tow. She couldn’t even wait to get dressed to address her concern.

She was very angry about how the school had treated her one son. I can’t remember the issue. I interrupted her after I had a sense of what brought her in with such urgency and told her that “I will take care of it.” I asked her to drop her children off at their designated places to depart to school, and to go home, get dressed, and I would clear things on my schedule and meet with her when she returned. (My students let me know that there are two things I always say, “Watch you time.”) The Upper-Class men and women students gave the seniors on the Vestry, student spiritual leadership group, pocket watches which when they opened them, there was a description “Watch your time. Rev.” I think that our students are busy people and they had our meetings three times a week on their lunch time so let’s have fun doing the most important work of shaping the community and keep focused on faith and character and issues that are important to our school.

“I did agree that I said, “I’ll take care of it.” a lot but that declaration folded into, “How will you help solve the problem with me.” When the woman in the pajamas died, I read in her obituary that she was a force of nature for the communities that she served. I blessed the marriage of one of her sons. When I wrote a letter to each of her sons expressing my condolences, I found myself seizing on the fact that their mother was the best advocate that her kids could possibly have. I must admit when I wrote the letters that I was immediately reminded of the mother in her pajamas and that she was a great advocate for her kids as a single parent.  Her offspring have grown into responsible adults with families.

Another parent called me and said that one of my parents in the school had a strong personality. I couldn’t help it, but I said, “All of our parents have a strong personality including you.” She found that counter comment funny, but it lightened the moment for her so that she could laugh with me.”

I think that we have lost a sense of loss of urgent advocacy in our population in general and in our politicians in particular. Let’s get more of a sense of urgency about the Epstein files and addressing the nightmare that Trump has created. We have been dancing in the dark. How much more does he have to do to get a response to check him.

The word, advocate, literally means to add a voice to a cause or a person. The word was first used in the 14^th century in a legal context.

I am not talking about helicopter parents who try to make every decision for their kid or keep them from the hard lessons of life. I am not advocating that. I recently said to a parent that the “less you do for your child enables them to grow.” My watchwords are “learn to fail or fail to learn.” Positive advocacy has reality at its core. It’s not about banning books from your local library, etc.

I recently wrote that in disagreements, there is a paradox that we can be urgent advocates if we work to determine how we can build the relationship with the person with whom we disagree.

Urgent advocacy must always keep in touch with reality. You won’t find it in lies that abound. I had a parent who was very anxious about her child’s future. She was worried about the courses her child should take so that her daughter could go to Princeton. Her daughter was in first grade.

Needless to say, I had a different conversation about reality, urgency, and advocacy with this parent.

What I want is to have C Span televise Congress first thing in the morning with everyone wearing their pajamas.